I’ll keep this one really brief, as it’s very personal, and I’d rather keep it that way, but I know I have to put it up here.
Approximately a year ago as I was being filled with the Holy Spirit, and I started to write this blog, I came to the realisation that my nation was completely terrible, having rejected Jehovah and His ways after over a thousand years of being His and of receiving His blessings. This realisation was upsetting to me, and having to live here and see and hear the heathen rage every day, and witness the curses of God happening too, it all made me feel somewhat hopeless and dejected, to the extent that I prayed a few times for God to end my life.
I wasn’t feeling suicidal, or depressed about my own life, I just had a deep level of despair about the future for this nation, and the world, as all nations appear to have chosen to worship other gods now, as was prophesied in the Bible. I realised that there was nothing I could do to change the situation, Biblical prophesy was playing out, the whole world was falling away from God, so I felt at that time very frustrated and terribly sad.
I realised as I was praying that it was wrong and weak and that there was no way that Jehovah would answer that kind of prayer, and He hasn’t, as I’m still here.
I wouldn’t have chosen to share this information at all publicly, but recently whilst listening to the Bible on random shuffle, and again during my ongoing listening to the whole of the Bible in order, I came across a story of a prophet of which I was previously totally ignorant, which is copied below:
But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers. 5And as he lay and slept under a juniper tree, behold, then an angel touched him, and said unto him, Arise and eat. 6And he looked, and, behold, there was a cake baken on the coals, and a cruse of water at his head. And he did eat and drink, and laid him down again. 7And the angel of the LORD came again the second time, and touched him, and said, Arise and eat; because the journey is too great for thee. 8And he arose, and did eat and drink, and went in the strength of that meat forty days and forty nights unto Horeb the mount of God.
Elijah was apparently in a similar frame of mind to me, which perhaps explains why we made the same prayer.
Given that I have had a load of dreams and visions recently, and the experience of a physical manifestation of the supernatural influence of God on something in my life, when a pop song was replaced overnight on an album I’d created, and replaced with a Gospel song, and only on my phone, not on my PC or the burned CD, I just have a feeling that all of the things that have happened to me, and the signs from decades ago in my past, mean God has some kind of special mission for me.
I feel confident that I know already what that mission is, and this blog is a first step on that mission, but I will be doing more in the months and years ahead. I don’t think I’m a prophet at all, but it will be fascinating to see if a 1987/1929 style stock market crash happens shortly, as that was the subject of my many dreams and visions. Despite it costing me a six-figure sum in losses as it didn’t happen in the last few months, I retain total faith it will happen, and I will recoup my losses and make some gains, a portion of which will aid my mission.
It’s a wonderful feeling to be ‘beyond faith’, to know that Jehovah exists, that He is watching over me. Hard to put into words, just the best feeling possible. I wish I was more worthy of His faith in me, but I am what I am, and I would die for Him if need be, so he knows that.