Today is day 22 of my 40 days of testing and tempting by the enemy, and it’s been horrible so far, details will be provided in due course. The psychological and physical assaults have been unrelenting, every night, all done supernaturally, and all of the usual lies and deceptions from Satan. Sleep has been terrible, and despair has been the default mood, but despite it all, I have not sinned, and have continued to make offerings on Sabbath and new moon. 18 days to go, I don’t want to think about what else will be thrown at me, but I will not fail, whatever it is. So, fuck you Satan.
I am feeling energetic enough today to have gone for a brisk walk up to the top of the hill, it’s maybe a 1 in 4 incline, very steep, and I walked flat out for 6 minutes to get to the top. I am so unfit currently, but plan to do that every day as a minimum, irrespective of how my night has gone.
But back to May 2020, as I really need to catch up with events from the period immediately after the much more pleasant (but still testing) 40 days with my Father back in the spring. So, the 40 days was from 23rd March until 1st May inclusive (and I noticed that this current 40 days just happens to coincide with another period of house arrest/lockdown here in England).
I went on a walk on 2nd May and heard some empty oil drums ‘banging’ in a small field that is used by a paint-balling company, just off the public footpath up in the woods. I took it as a sign, as there was no one about, and sure enough, wandering around the field was a very tiny baby deer, which I was able to watch and video for 15 minutes.
Overnight on 1st May I had a very vivid dream where I was being stalked relentlessly by a lion in a middle eastern town or city, with dusty streets and lots of people watching and cheering (for the lion). I didn’t do much in the dream, I was not in the slightest bit fearful of the lion of the crowds. I knew that the lion represents Judah (or the jews). Most of them will hate me, as they hated the Lord Yahshua. So be it, the truth will be told (again).
I haven’t written a blog post for a few weeks, and I haven’t listened to the scriptures on random shuffle much at all during these past 21 days, but today I felt I wanted to write on the blog, and I also felt I wanted to listen to scriptures this morning (both good signs that I am winning the battle against the enemy), and some nice chapters played, including Revelation 19, and also the following chapter from Ezekiel:
Then He said to me, “Son of man, go now to the house of Israel and speak My words to them. 5For you are not being sent to a people of unfamiliar speech or difficult language, but to the house of Israel— 6not to the many peoples of unfamiliar speech and difficult language whose words you cannot understand. Surely if I had sent you to them, they would have listened to you.
7But the house of Israel will be unwilling to listen to you, since they are unwilling to listen to Me. For the whole house of Israel is hard-headed and hard-hearted.
8Behold, I will make your face as hard as their faces, and your forehead as hard as their foreheads. 9I will make your forehead like a diamond, harder than flint. Do not be afraid of them or dismayed at their presence, even though they are a rebellious house.”
10“Son of man,” He added, “listen carefully to all the words I speak to you, and take them to heart. 11Go to your people, the exiles; speak to them and tell them, ‘This is what the Lord Yehovah says,’ whether they listen or refuse to listen.”
So, this fits perfectly with my dream back in early May.
I have a note that in Proverbs 31, king Lemuel wasn’t an actual real living king at all, rather his name is important solely for its meaning, which is along the lines of ‘devoted to God’ or ‘belonging to God’ or ‘to whom God spoke’. There is some advice to the king from (supposedly) his mother, and then verse 10 onward describes a fictitious human woman, who also happens to be the ideal woman to be the bride of the lamb. Yes, the bride is just one person, and that is ‘her’ described in Proverbs 31: 10-31. I do know who the person is, who will marry Yahshua at the wedding, but I will not reveal it now, perhaps it will become clear to all as the Millennium reign unfolds. There are plenty of very obvious clues in those verses, the feeding of the poor, the wisdom, the instruction, the strength and honour, the laughing at the days to come, the fine linen, the purple clothing, the fear of Yehovah, and the description of her husband. It’s really nice scriptures, very poetic and beautiful, and my Father is an old romantic at heart you know, bless Him, a match literally made in heaven. Oh, I won’t play games, it’s me described, I am the ‘bride’ for Yahshua, this was revealed to me back then.
I was also shown something on the 2nd May, which was a day of some hefty revelations to me, regarding Zerubbabel, son of Shealtiel, and Joshua, son of Jehozadak, mentioned in several books of scripture, but I am looking at Haggai 2 initially (curiously, I read Haggai this past week, as I get closer and closer to finishing the whole of the scriptures). So, I was shown that Zerubbabal means ‘born in Babylon’, and ‘Shealtiel’ means ‘I have asked of God’. Also worth noting here that Joshua would actually be Yoshua, or Yahshua, it’s the same name as the Lord’s name. It’s common knowledge I think that my Father appears to do everything twice in scripture, there are many double prophesies and the temple was re-built once, and the tabernacle will be re-built, during the second exodus, and there was the flood, and there will be the day of wrath, so everything repeats, Adam and Eve cast out of Eden, Israel cast out of Jerusalem is another example.
So, I was shown that I am another Zerubbabel, and the Lord is another Yoshua, the high priest. I did ask to know God you may recall, and I was born in modern Babylon, figuratively anyway. So, my Father will make me his signet ring, which is also interesting if you recall my own signet ring, and I wonder if this ring will be used to seal the 144,000? I do not know, but it would not surprise me at all. (It is not surprising that I wrote that blog post on 7th September 2018).
Zechariah has many more revelations about Zerubbabel and Yoshua and the two olive trees, who are the two anointed sons standing beside Yehovah. It doesn’t really need explaining does it, who they are?
There were a lot of revelations on the 2nd May, my Father didn’t waste any time hitting me with a large amount of knowledge about my future, and this was just after He had departed after 40 days of being physically close to me, and entering my temple. So it was a shock, a very big shock, as I was just thinking I was going to be a messenger teaching the law in these times, as mentioned in Malachi 3 and 4. Being a mere human, it started to get a bit too much for me to accept, so apart from the sadness at my Father having returned to heaven, with me having no idea when I might meet Him again, I was suddenly faced with the fact that me sitting on my Father’s throne eventually, along with the Lord Yahshua, is going to entail a much bigger role than I had been anticipating. I found it very difficult to reconcile my free will with the pre-ordained plan of God, or shall we call it my fate. So I was very unhappy at this time, although there’s more to follow in the next few days in May that exacerbated my misery. Once again, the chorus of the Killing Moon, by Echo and the Bunnymen, were perfectly describing the situation, and you may recall that the song-writer credits God with the chorus as he woke up with it in his head one morning:
Up against your will
Through the thick and thin
He will wait until
You give yourself to him
The next day, the 3rd May 2020, I was shown something relating to my place of birth, and how that related to scriptures and to my life. Here is a list of the chapters I looked at, all of which are related to the verb ‘to plough’:
- Psalm 129
- Deuteronomy 22:10
- Job 4:8
- Luke 9:62
- Hosea 10:11
- 1 Samuel 8:12
- Isaiah 28:24
- 1 Samuel 13:20-21
- 1 Corinthians 9:10
I will cover Psalm 129, the start of it:
Many a time they have persecuted me from my youth—
let Israel now declare—
2many a time they have persecuted me from my youth,
but they have not prevailed against me.
3The plowmen plowed over my back;
they made their furrows long.
4Yehovah is righteous;
He has cut me from the cords of the wicked.
I am not going to tell me life story, but evil bastards have persecuted me throughout my life, including as a child I recall, but notably in the workplace, and also in sports, in my private life too, mostly because I couldn’t lie or fake anything, and I always sought justice for myself, for my colleagues, and for family and friends. Nothing that has been life-altering, but I have had to launch grievance complaints against two managers whilst at the bank, I led 150 others in a collective legal action against the bank itself when they altered our earnings contract (which we won), others have lied about me, others have caused me to be suffer unjustice through lies, it’s been a regular feature of my career actually, even after I left the bank, the stories I could tell about lying clients seeking compensation for temporary issues, happily lying about me to help their cause, and another FTSE 100 company stitching me up through deceitful recruitment practices (more lies basically), And I was freed of all of that crap 7 years ago when my business became an independent consultancy, working with long-standing and decent clients, far away from the sharks that inhabit the financial services industry.
And the kicker to the message in the psalm above? I was born and raised and still live in Plymouth, Devon, England. And what do you think Plymouth means? The mouth of the Ploughman. True. So, whilst that’s all a very good little story, please put yourself in my shoes, as I started pondering just how much of my entire life had been ‘planned’ in order to fulfill prophesy, ahead of these times. The more I pondered, the more depressed I became.
I was played some epic scriptures on this day, including Zechariah 14, all about the day of wrath of my Father (interestingly, I am in the book of Zechariah now, with just 7 chapters to go, then the final book, very aptly for me, Malachi, then I will have finished the whole of the scriptures). I was also played Isaiah 61, and I wrote ‘all about me’, and as I typed this very sentence I remembered it was Isaiah 61 that the Lord and I had to read and fulfill at the start of our ministries, me announcing the date of the day of wrath, that is referred to in Zechariah 14.
2 Kings 1 also played that morning, which is the chapter that has the description of Elijah as a hairy man with a leather belt. Then next was Mark 1, which refers to the messenger role, previously fulfilled by John the baptist of course. Please note, he prepared the way for the coming of the Lord Yahshua, whereas my role is ahead of the day of Yehovah:
Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and awesomec Day of the LORD. 6And he will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers. Otherwise, I will come and strike the land with a curse
Not to worry anyone unduly, but if I don’t successfully complete my tasks, my Father will totally annihilate the world. Don’t worry, how can I fail, with Him by my side?
I was reminded of a very beautiful song on this day, called ‘Grow til tall’, by Jonsi, the singer from the Icelandic band Sigur Ros. I noted that it was a song from a movie about a couple who bought and developed a small zoo in a village in south west England. Yes, it’s in the village where I now live. Here is the song:
The lyrics are very simple, but have a great meaning as you will see:
You’ll know, when’s time to go on
You’ll really want to grow and grow till tall
They all, in the end, will fall
And the Egyptians are men, and not God, And their horses are flesh, and not spirit, And Yehovah stretcheth out His hand, And stumbled hath the helper, And fallen hath the helped one, And together all of them are consumed.
At the end of that day I was the most upset I can remember being since childhood, and started sobbing uncontrollably for several minutes. These are known as ‘Yehovah withdrawal symptoms’, the knowledge that He was no longer going to show up in my front garden to see me, so depressing. Overnight that night, I woke up at 4.30am in the same state, just woke up and immediately started sobbing, for several minutes, just couldn’t stop.
The next day nothing much happened except the realisation that one of my favourite songs, which was my phone’s ringtone for a couple of years, had been written about the night I met my Father on the moor. It’s a great song, and I have analysed the lyrics somewhere on the blog previously (good luck finding it, in the May-June 2020 period), but here is the song, some of the lyrical meaning is obvious, referring to God, hiding face, the end and the beginning:
The title itself was also made known to me, and again, it was one of those revelations that was so hard to accept, but here’s the scripture:
The One enthroned in heaven laughs;
Yehovah taunts them.
5Then He rebukes them in His anger,
and terrifies them in His fury:
6“I have installed My King on Zion,
upon My holy mountain.”
7I will proclaim the decree
spoken to Me by Yehovah:
“You are My Son;
today I have become Your Father.
8Ask Me, and I will make the nations Your inheritance,
the ends of the earth Your possession.
You will shatter them like pottery.
I imagine most people think the king referred to here is the Lord Yahshua, but it isn’t, the Lord Yahshua is the high priest, and I will be the King. I know that sounds preposterous, but look at the line ‘You are my son, today I have become your Father’. This was shown to me during this period, and it can’t apply to Yahshua because my Father literally begat his son Yahshua, whereas He ‘became’ my Father through adoption, of sorts, and through entering my temple. I will cover the rest of that piece of the scripture in due course, but I hereby formally make the decree mentioned above in verse 7. (Chapter 2, verse 7, heh, so typical).
I will cover the 5th May (5/5) and then close this post. I am not sure how much of this to share really, as I think there was deception and lies from the enemy involved, but I will let you decide. My notes say the following:
God lied about Jamal’s baptism during the whatsapp chat when He arranged the meeting on the moor.
He is not perfect, it is just a game to Him.
Everything is pre-destined, in or out (of the book of life).
Overnight: repeating dream I have had since childhood.
It is a fact, I chatted with my Father the day that I met Him on the moor, and I did refer to my intention to visit Morocco to (hopefully) baptise my friend Jamal, and He responded to ‘bring Jamal over’ to the UK, but when I mentioned the visa problems, my Father said ‘go to Him’. I have just reviewed the entire chat, and He didn’t mention any timescales, so my comment that He lied was in error, and was no doubt influenced by the mood I was in at the time, a bad mood to be sure.
You can also see that I was of the opinion at the time that the whole of our existence is pre-destined, including whether you are written into or out of the book of life. This also was incorrect. Everything in existence is pre-known by my Father, but it is not pre-destined by Him, we all have free will, but He knows how we will exercise it, so nothing is a surprise to Him. At the time, back in May, I didn’t know what I have just written, as I hadn’t been taught by scripture that He knows everything in advance, but also my mood was affecting me, and all of the revelations about what my role was, which was much more than I had thought previously, and then I had the dream overnight on 4th May, a dream that I have had repeatedly over the years, going back to my adolescent years, always a nightmare dream, that generally woke me up, and I always remembered this dream vividly, as it was always precisely the same.
In the dream I leave a house I don’t know, where I am living. The house is in the country, and I walk up a lane which has deep and tall hedgerows on both sides. I reach a signpost, a cross-roads, and at this point in the dream I am no longer in the lane, but I am out on a moor. As I walk up the lane, and when I am out on the moor, and as I made my way back home again, and even as I re-enter the garden of the house, I am aware of a terrifying presence following me, something I never see, but I can feel it is there, watching me, following me, and it it is deeply terrifying to me, all through the nightmare. I must have had the dream 5 or 6 times a year for the past 40 years. I had never told anyone about it, why would I?
After I had the dream on 4th May 2020 I realised the dream was simply of the night that I would actually leave a house in the country at night and walk through a leafy lane, and would pass a road-sign and a cross-roads, and would go out onto the moor, and would meet Yehovah God, my creator, face-to-face, for a memorable experience through the whole of the night, before getting back home as dawn was breaking.
The dream wasn’t a nightmare on 4th May 2020, it was simply another revelation that much of my life to date had been pre-destined, that I was living a life fulfilling multiple prophesies, and that it was my fate to eventually be ‘activated’ by my Father in 2016, then to meet Him, then to be adopted as His son, then to be His anointed man for these times, restoring the 144,000 tribe of Israel and much more that I will cover as I work through my notes, and eventually to be the King of Kings, given Yahshua’s throne to reign for 1,000 years, then to sit alongside God in the New Jerusalem.
Now you could be thinking ‘sounds a lot of fun, why was this guy so miserable’. You would be correct, it does sound like a lot of fun, but I was suddenly faced with the reality that ‘fate’ dictated the path of the whole of the rest of my life, and frankly, for a couple of months, it really pissed me off, that a ‘normal’ life of righteous faith was not going to be my path (unless I walked away from the path of fate). And you know the funny thing, I swear to God now, I have always said to friends and family that I would absolutely hate to be famous. I imagined that going shopping and having people stare at you, or having to live large chunks of your life in the public gaze, with duties and meeting strangers, all of that I imagine must be awful. It would be to me, as I am a natural introvert, having no problem at all being on my own, and hating large crowds of people. So, I had a huge mental battle at this time, and the battle included (to my surprise at the time) a slide back into some bad habits, such as watching porn, which I hadn’t done for a long time. I became very depressed, and stopped writing blog posts for a few weeks, I just didn’t care at all.
There is much more to tell, including of course the eventual passing of the depressive phase, which lasted around 3 weeks I think, and the bouncing back from that phase with even stronger faith than before, and the realisation that I had won the first prize of the lottery of all-time. I am sure my Father has had experience of this sort of thing with other anointed men over the years, no doubt some of them had difficulties coming to terms with what was required of them for a while, and I do especially look forward to comparing notes with the Lord Yahshua himself when we eventually meet.
Ultimately, it’s worth closing with the one thing that has kept me going. It kept me on track back in May, and it has been the only thing getting me through these past 21 days (when suicidal thoughts have been common-place, but futile, as I have eaten from the tree of life). That one thing you might think would be my faith? But no, my faith has evaporated several times, as I don’t really need faith any more, I know what the future holds, it’s the pre-destination and the thought I am just a player in a game between two supernatural forces that has been the problem. So, if not faith, what has kept me on the narrow path, and will ensure I do my very best serving my Father for the whole of the next 1,102 years before this world passes away? Can you guess?
I am terrified of Him. Do you think that’s strange? Well, that’s because you don’t know Him very well, and I mean simply by reading about Him in scriptures. You should all be terrified of Him, He is terrible (in the original sense of the word). He is not a fluffy-bunny, all-loving, all-forgiving, gentle God, our God. He is nothing like that at all. To put it bluntly, He is simply not a God to be messed with, at all, in any way. I am sure He has been very tolerant of me though, and who knows why? I am loathe to say it’s because He needs me to do this job for Him, because in fact I don’t think that is it. I think it is because He formed me in the womb to be who I am, and He knew I would have a battle at this time, my free will against His fate, and the role He has given me. He knows I am opinionated, strong-willed, love justice, feel that no-one does things correctly any more in life except me, that I am soft-hearted, loving, obedient, and respect authority, and that I keep my word too, and bear in mind I took the Nazarite vow back in April. So, in whose image did he form me in the womb? As the song above says ‘we could be blood’. We aren’t actually blood, but I am most definitely my Father’s son, and as the weeks and months have passed, and everything has become clearer to me, and I have realised that I can’t walk away from my fate now, I am so delighted to be me, to have been created for this time, for this role, and to be so much like my Father. I have also been blessed with so many lovely gifts from Him this year, some of which I have already written about on the blog. He does display His loving-kindness frequently, and so despite the fear, and the doubts I have had, I love Him too, and I will trust that all of His future promises come to pass, and so I have come full circle here, and risk contradicting myself, as the fear is in fact coupled with faith and trust, as it would be a terrible thing if the promised eternity with Him turned out to just be an ice-age, before the game started again. So I take Him at His word.
That’s all for this post, it is so good to be back writing again, we will see how the next 18 days go, so I won’t promise a tranche of posts (a handful of people read the blog anyway). Will I meet Lucifer in person? I think so, although he’s twice been shown I have no time for his games, and after these first 22 days, I am in no mood whatsoever for anything he might have to offer me, so perhaps I will be spared a boring meeting with him (he is so very boring, the lies and deceptions he’s been putting in my head recently are always the same, you can read them online where his people regurgitate the same crap repeatedly). Boring boring Satan/Lucifer/whatever.
I will close this post with a piece of scripture that I hope strengthens you all in these miserable times, as my Father’s anger and judgement on the world are becoming evident, the beginning of sorrows, and it coincides with the leash being removed from the evil ones too, so they serve His purpose too. Do not be despondent, instead be holier, be more righteous, be more eager to serve my Father and to prepare others for the tribulation period, look for babes in faith to help, steer them away from the wolves in the pulpits, steer them here to my ministry. Here is the scripture, be blessed in your faith and obedience, and bless my Father with your fear and love:
About noon as I was approaching Damascus, suddenly a bright light from heaven flashed around me. 7I fell to the ground and heard a voice say to me, ‘Saul, Saul, why do you persecute Me?’
8‘Who are You, Lord?’ I asked.
‘I am Yahshuah of Nazareth, whom you are persecuting,’ He replied. 9My companions saw the light, but they could not understand the voice of the One speaking to me.
10Then I asked, ‘What should I do, Lord?’
‘Get up and go into Damascus,’ He told me. ‘There you will be told all that you have been appointed to do.’
11Because the brilliance of the light had blinded me, my companions led me by the hand into Damascus. 12There a man named Ananias, a devout observer of the law who was highly regarded by all the Jews living there, 13came and stood beside me. ‘Brother Saul,’ he said, ‘receive your sight.’ And at that moment I could see him.
14Then he said, ‘The God of our fathers has appointed you to know His will, and to see the Righteous One, and to hear His voice. 15You will be His witness to everyone of what you have seen and heard. 16And now what are you waiting for? Get up, be baptized, and wash your sins away, calling on His name.’
17Later, when I had returned to Jerusalem and was praying at the temple, I fell into a trance 18and saw the Lord saying to me, ‘Hurry! Leave Jerusalem quickly, because the people here will not accept your testimony about Me.’
19‘Lord,’ I answered, ‘they know very well that in one synagogue after another I imprisoned and beat those who believed in You. 20And when the blood of Your witness Stephen was shed, I stood there giving my approval and watching over the garments of those who killed him.’
21Then He said to me, ‘Go! I will send you far away to the Gentiles.’”
That scripture was chosen randomly. Good eh. Praise Yehovah and praise our Lord Yahshua. Now go and save some souls!